a grief shared by Eric Thomsen (as told by Daron Dwyer)   But I would ye should understand, brethren, that the things which happened unto me have fallen out rather unto the furtherance of the gospel (Philippians 1:12).

Friday morning, December 1, 2006, began like a hundred others in the little house on Linwood Road in Gastonia, North Carolina. Beth Dwyer went about her daily routine of getting sons Matthew (5) and Taylor (8) dressed and ready for the morning trip to Cramerton Christian Academy, where the boys attended school. As usual, things were hectic. After helping Matthew find his new heelies (shoes that transform into roller skates), Beth picked up a blowdryer to finish her hair. She had no idea that her life was about to change forever.

Tragedy Strikes

The steady hum of the blowdryer covered the faint stirrings from Daron and Beth’s bedroom, as a pistol was found lying beside the bed. The gun, a gift from a family member, gave Beth a sense of protection on nights when her husband Daron was miles away, attending Southeastern Seminary at Wake Forest.

At 7:50 a.m., as the boys played in the hall bathroom, a single shot ripped the quiet morning. Beth burst into the room and stepped into every mother’s worst nightmare. Matthew lay bleeding, struck in the forehead by a bullet fired at close range.

Daron was in the seminary Music Lab printing a research paper when he received the call from his hysterical wife. “He’s been shot! He’s been shot! You’ve got to come now!”

“In that moment,” Daron recalls, “I felt a thousand things at once—an immediate sense of worry for my wife, panic, hurt, and the cry of ‘Oh, God, this can’t be happening.’”
He dashed to his car and began the three-hour drive down Highway 98 to Gastonia, “the longest yet shortest drive of my life.”

After the initial phone calls, Daron found himself alone with his thoughts on the endless road to Gastonia. “God, I don’t even know what’s going on. I don’t know how to pray. How could this happen to me? How could this happen to my child? So this how you treat your servants?” His desperate prayers melted into the silence as the miles slipped by.

At the Dwyer home, Beth frantically applied CPR to Matthew, reviving him briefly before police and emergency personnel arrived. The Gaston Emergency Medical Team attempted to fly Matthew to Carolinas Medical Center in Charlotte, but windy conditions forced them to make the trip by ambulance.

Shocked family members huddled at the hospital, waiting for news—praying for the best, expecting the worst. Dr. Randy Sawyer, the Dwyers’ pastor later remembered, “her [Beth’s] worst fears, the worst fears of any parent, unfolded in the next few hours.” When Daron arrived at the hospital, Beth rushed to him, sobbing. “I’m so, so sorry.” It was the first time they had spoken since the hysterical call hours earlier.

At 1 p.m., doctors told the family that Matthew’s brain was not functioning. Life support was removed at 8 p.m., after additional family members reached the hospital. Matthew was dead.

Grief Beyond Compare

The news spread like wildfire. Friends and church members gathered with the family at the hospital, sitting in stunned silence, remembering the energetic little boy who lived every moment to its fullest. “Matthew used to fight sleep until he would nearly fall asleep standing up.” Daron smiles at the memory. “He just didn’t want to miss anything. He was ‘life wide open.’ He loved the color green, chocolate, ranch dressing. He played, sang, loved, and lived like there was no tomorrow. Looking back, it’s almost as if he knew his time was short, and he wanted to get it all in.”

The next 48 hours passed in a blur. “What I remember most,” Daron says, “is the sobbing, the grief, the reality. Every time I saw the children running around, he was missing. Every time I glanced at a family picture, I realized that he would never be in another one.”

On Saturday evening, both sides of the family gathered for the first time. Driven by a sense of guilt and worried about what her family was thinking, a sobbing Beth tried to apologize for Matthew’s death. Without letting her finish, grandfather Danny Dwyer embraced his daughter-in-law. “I have nothing but honor in my heart for you, and I always have. The way you raised your children—I am more proud of you than I can ever express.”

The family meeting transformed into sharing, prayer, and songs Daron had written about Matthew. Daron’s dad said later, “It was the most sacred moment I have ever experienced.” Healing had begun.

As children will do, eight-year-old Taylor dealt with his grief in a unique way. When he saw his brother at the funeral home, he did not want to leave his side. Time after time, he asked Darin Gibbs, student pastor from the family’s church, to snap a picture of him with Matthew. When Daron saw Taylor slip a dollar bill into the casket, he pulled him aside and asked what his son what he was doing. With a serious look, Taylor replied, “That’s so Matthew can buy a drink in Heaven.” The childish sincerity was almost more than Daron could stand as he embraced his grieving child.

Turning Point

The visitation and funeral became the turning point for the Dwyers. When asked what they remember, they reply with a smile. “After 2,000 hugs, we know what love feels like!” People poured into the funeral home. A stranger drove three hours from Durham and sat for hours before approaching Daron and Beth to explain, “I just felt compelled to come and tell you how sorry I am.” The funeral home director told Daron, “In our 75-year history, we have never experienced such an outflow of support before, during, and after a funeral.”

Daron reflects on what he felt during the service, which lasted an hour and a half. “The funeral gave us a new perspective on how far the influence of our child’s death had reached.” I will never forget the people who were saved during the service—two from my wife’s own family.

“During the last chorus of the song, ‘Made Me Glad,’ I was compelled to stand. In that moment, my own heart was saying, ‘I’m not going to fall. I’m going to stand. I am going to rise and worship God—the worship of which He is worthy.’ From that moment, I have had a sense of peace. I know my son’s death was not in vain. God had a purpose.” And I thought to myself, ‘God, this is how you treat your servants.’”

A Grief Shared

Another truth became clear to the Dwyers in the weeks after the funeral—They were not alone in their grief! Thousands of cards, letters, and emails poured in from around the country. Churches of all denominations contacted the family to share their condolences. Words of encouragement came from missionaries in Africa and Spain. The Dwyers’ church (First FWB Church, Gastonia) provided food—every meal—from December through March. Matthew’s part in the Christmas play was left unfilled, a robe and crown lay in the space that would have been occupied by the little “wiseman.”

To honor Matthew, the church’s Upward™ basketball program framed his jersey and presented it to his parents. In January, members of each team from the church began wearing green armbands to represent Matthew and his favorite color.

Members of their church partnered with Cramerton FWB Church (pastored by Daron’s father Danny) to remodel the Dwyer’s house. They repaired the damaged ceiling, cleaned the carpet, painted the entire house, remodeled the bathrooms, organized the attic, and put a new roof on the house after Lowe’s donated the shingles. The yard was landscaped, the deck replaced. A businessman from the Cramerton FWB Church donated new bedding and custom window treatments for the entire house. Several families joined together and purchased a new bed, mattress, and box springs for Daron and Beth. The family received gift cards to Target. On the day before Christmas Eve another family gave the Dwyer’s a Dodge Durango. Time and again, gestures of love and support reminded the Dwyers that they did not grieve alone. After weeks of experiencing such love, Daron remembers, “With the love, grace, and hope enveloping me I said to God, this time with gratitude, ‘So this is how you treat your servants.’”

Dash, the Miracle Dog

Concerned about Taylor, Daron decided that he would purchase a puppy for his son’s Christmas. He discovered that the type of puppy he wanted for his son is both scarce and expensive at Christmas. After searching local newspapers and the internet, he found just the dog being sold by a man named Darren Shockey, who lived in Cookeville, Tennessee.

He called the owner and blurted out his story, only to learn that the dog had been sold to another buyer. Disheartened, Daron consigned himself to the idea that he would be unable to get Taylor’s dog in time.
When he checked his email, he was surprised to find a note from Shockey, the dog’s owner. The note explained that he had asked the buyer to return the dog in order to sell the dog to Taylor instead. He sold the man another dog he had planned to keep for himself.

The email went on to explain that 19 years earlier, Shockey lost his own son in a similar accident. He knew that God had directed Daron’s steps. “I realize now that God sent you to me to give me the opportunity to minister to you.”

Dash quickly became part of the family and Taylor’s constant companion. With wonder in his tone, Daron says, “He doesn’t whine. He doesn’t fuss. He doesn’t make messes. He listens. Dash really is a miracle dog.”

Church Locks Arms

As he looks back on the last 90 days, Daron shakes his head in amazement. “As the encouragement of our Christian family embraced us, I realized that through His Church, God gives us the strength to bear a load that would crush us alone. I can truly say that He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. I felt as though I were locked arm in arm with thousands. I firmly believe that this was a grief that could only be shared. It was simply too large to carry on our own. It wasn’t just us grieving. It was our church. It was the family. It was God. This must be what the church in Acts chapter two experienced when they worked together, prayed together, and yes, grieved together. If every person who walked into church today experienced what we have experienced, it would turn the world upside down…again.”

About the Family: Daron Dwyer is minister of music and Christian education at First FWB Church, Gastonia, NC. He is pursuing and Master of Divinity in Worship Leadership.

About the Writer: Eric Thomsen is managing editor of ONE Magazine.

Helping Hands

Daron and his family compiled a (partial) list of people and organizations who comforted them during their loss:

1. Our family, laughter, tears, presence, and work on our house.

2. Trissia Smith and Brandi Anderson, food coordinators

3. Dozens of families, meals and restaurant gift cards

4. Chuck Belk, Jack Phillips, David and Karen Fuller, Matt and Farrah Brackett, Steve Fuller, Phoebe Philbeck, Teresa Lucas, Phoebe Burgess, Bryan and Missy Harrington, Donna Parnell, Danny and Carolyn Dwyer, and Garland Harris, house painting

5. Dan Flowers, Daniel Padgett, Chad Garrigan, and Nick Burgess, back porch repair

6. David Pearson, Darrell Griffin, ceiling repair

7. Nancy, Jenny, Michelle and Cassie Rogers; Phoebe Philbeck and Teresa Lucas; Carolyn, Wendy Dwyer Haynes, Sara Dwyer Hopkins, and Ann Harris, house cleaning (three times)

8. Andy Holman and Chuck Belk, carpet cleaning

9. Dennis Dillard and Danny Dwyer, electrical work

10. Travis Bell, Bryan Harrington, Daniel Padgett, Nick Burgess, and Danny Dwyer, bathroom remodeling

11. Randy Rabb, plumbing

12. Johnny Nichols, paint, window treatments, and bedding

13. Cheryl Martin, painted pictures for Taylor’s room

14. Barry and Tabitha Friday, Jack Phillips, Curtis Martin, landscaping

15. Tim Harvell, Jack Phillips, roofing

16. David Fuller, pool and lighting repair

17. Johnny Nichols, power washing

18. Tripp and Amy Kirby; Ed and Sandy Conzel; Kevin and Sara Tugwell; new bed

19. Ann Harris, Teresa Lucas, Phoebe Philbeck, Phoebe Burgess, Wendy Dwyer Haynes, Taylor’s bedroom

20. Wendy Dwyer Haynes, Sara Dwyer Hopkins, and Carolyn Dwyer, master bedroom decor

21. Tripp and Amy Kirby; Ed and Sandy Conzel; Kevin and Sara Tugwell; attic reorganization

22. Kevin and Sara Tugwell, dog run

23. Melvin and Kathy Price, dog house

24. First FWB Church Wee Care Day School and First FWB Church Christian Academy kids and staff, Dash the Wonder Dog

25. Doug and Cindy Huffstetler, Dodge Durango

26. Dozens of individuals, churches, and institutions gave monetary gifts to the Dwyers.

27. Jim and Annette Hale, Cameron and Keaton,  Ashbrook kids Jersey

28. Chad and Donna Garrigan and others, Target™ gift cards

29. Lacey Robinson family, Charissa Townsend, Tajel Patel, Home Depot and Wal-Mart gift cards

30. Ken Lane, Ernie Dove, Garland Harris, Linda Fletcher (aunt), Brent Fletcher (cousin), Greg Harris (brother), Grandma Dunn, others from Mr. Harris’ Sunday School class at Gateway FWB Church, Matthew’s grave marker

The basketball team of Cramerton Christian asked Taylor to be the ball boy for all home games this season and the players are wearing green armbands in honor of Matthew.

The Ashbrook High School football team presented a team jersey and pass to attend all home games, to be on the sidelines with the team, and dedicate the first game of the season to Matthew Dwyer.

While we have tried to keep good records, so many began doing things before we were even aware, and are still doing things without us knowing. We we wish to thank them as well. (Daron Dwyer)

The 2006 Matthew Dwyer Global Outreach Celebration

Since they were born, I talked and prayed with my boys about God using them to do great things for His Kingdom. It appears that one of Matthew’s “great things” will impact world missions. In August, God led me to arrange a special missions musical to accompany our annual Christmas Global Outreach Offering because He really wanted to use it to propel our missions strategy. The rest of the staff agreed, a goal of $50,000 was set, and we began to promote the theme, “This is My Everything.” Matthew gave exactly that, and his heart for missions was shared with everyone after his death, creating an unprecedented spirit of surrender and giving. To date $67,500 has been received, 2 couples at First FWB Church have surrendered their lives to missions, countless others have rededicated their lives to God, a massive wave of compassionate ministry and outreach has begun, and at least nine souls have come to Christ through the funeral and Matthew’s story.

—Daron Dwyer