Relationships are central to making a spiritual impact on children. Teenagers tend to embrace their parents’ faith if parents have heart connections (relationships) with them. If a parent and teenager grow distant from each other, the parent will probably have little spiritual impact, even if the parent teaches biblical truth.
Drawing from more than 230 in-depth interviews, Dr. Christian Smith observes: “Parents can be very invested in and intentional about religious transmission, but if they have emotionally distant or critical relationships with their children, their efforts are likely to fail or backfire.”
Teenagers want genuine relationships with parents. Parents who want warm relationships with their children throughout adolescence need to know their children likely want the same thing.
The Biblical Pattern
God desires to turn the hearts of parents to their children and the hearts of children to their parents (Malachi 4:6). Teenagers tend to share strong heart connections with parents who communicate their significance and frequently provide words of encouragement (Ephesians 4:29).
Responding to the Situation
Parents willing to improve relationships must consider several key issues:
Teenagers sometimes need a parent’s undivided attention.
Teenagers need a listening ear that does not interrupt.
Parents and teenagers need to forgive each other for the injuries they have caused.
Parents and teenagers need to hear words that bless, encourage, and build up.
The Dilemma
Biblical counselors and family life leaders have known for some time what experiences have the most potential for rebuilding warmth. The key has been placing all those rich insights in the hands of parents and teenagers. Dr. Gus Reyes and I spent months synthesizing the best we know about relationships and then putting that in a usable format for families.
A Proven Solution
Families now have a simple yet powerful tool to assist in restoring relationships — the phone app named 30 Days: Parents and Teens. The use of the app has proven the hearts of parents and teenagers can be turned toward each other in 30 days.
Previously published in booklet form, thousands of parents and teens recaptured a closer connection with each other, often restoring strained relationships. When 30 Days was published as a booklet, tens of thousands of families gladly paid roughly $20 for the experience. But by moving to a phone app, the cost now is below $3. A side benefit is teenagers think using their phones to connect with a parent is cool.
To experience 30 Days, one parent and one teenager commit to spending ten minutes together each evening for thirty evenings.
The parent and teenager go to a quiet room and pull chairs near each other.
They open the 30 Days app for that night and then see the instructions for that session. Some are for the teenager, and some are for the parent.
By following the instructions in the app, the parent and teenager say and do those things that have the most potential to turn their hearts toward each other.
Some evenings are marked by laughter and some by tears. Some words bring blessing and affirmation, and some bring forgiveness and healing.
Reports From Families
Strong families report this process has taken their relationships to the next level. Struggling families report relationships have been restored. Best of all, when the heart connection is restored, then teaching and modeling again have an impact.
Through the 30 Days experience, more teenagers will walk with Jesus for a lifetime because of the new spiritual life flowing from parents.
About the Writer: Richard Ross, Ph.D., served as a student pastor for thirty years and currently volunteers with teenagers and parents at his church. He is a professor at Southwestern Seminary in Fort Worth. He has written over 25 books and speaks in many conferences and churches each year.
