Coming Home

By Judy Bryan

“Welcome home!”

When we returned to the States a year ago, it seemed everybody greeted us the same way: “Welcome home!” We appreciated their warmth and love, but we didn’t quite feel like we were home. Yes, our family is here, and close friends are nearby. But, we worked so hard for so long to adapt to life in another culture, here just doesn’t seem like home.

“How does it feel to be back home?”

Frankly, it’s a little awkward sometimes. We lived in two overseas cultures and loved them both. We learned to communicate in another language. We became accustomed to different foods and ways of doing things. We adjusted to new lifestyles. Consequently, we see life from another vantage point. Coming back to family and friends is wonderful, but speaking only English and acclimating to American culture is like a wearing a borrowed coat—it doesn’t always fit comfortably.

“Glad you are back home!”

Reentry into our “home” culture can be a major transition for missionary families. That transition is not always smooth. Don’t assume we feel “at home” just because we are physically in the States. We carry an American passport. However, culturally, we are no longer 100% American. Robert and I are still processing this change. We find ourselves thinking as we did in the culture we left. It takes time to settle back into life in our birth country.

Reentries are not created equal.

We’ve discovered our return to the States this time is different from all earlier occasions. Coming to the U.S. for stateside assignment was not too traumatic for us. We always knew we would return to our field of service. Granted, we were “foreigners” there, but we actually felt more at ease in our host culture than in our birth country. While in the States, we enjoyed our favorite foods, seeing family, visiting churches, and sharing about our ministry, goals, and future plans—but we always knew we were going back.

Retiring to the States is a totally different story. When Robert and I came “home” in May 2018 to begin our transition from missionary service into retirement, we really didn’t know what to expect. Our home church, Bethany FWB Church in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, made us feel very welcome. They threw a retirement party beyond our expectations. They certainly made us feel special! But we found we still didn’t feel at home.

For the first time in nearly 50 years, we are not anticipating and working towards a return overseas. For nearly five decades, we were identified as missionaries, but no longer. So, who are we now? What are we supposed to do? That identity crisis is yet another hurdle to overcome in reentry.

You can help.

Perhaps you are wondering how you can make reentry easier for the missionaries you know. Here are some ideas:

First, recognize they feel like foreigners in their own birth country. Be sensitive to their needs and feelings. Get to know them, their likes and dislikes, their favorite foods. Include them in special events, concerts, or family outings. Invite them into your home and learn about them and what their life was like in the country they served. Understand they may be grieving. Family may be close by, but they still need a friend. Be that friend!

For those on stateside assignment, recognize they need a home base as they travel to share with supporters about their ministry and to secure additional financial support. Offer an open door to your church. Invite them to share in your ladies’ group or other small groups, or perhaps in Sunday School classes. This makes their time “home” so much easier.

Be aware you are part of their ministry. Your prayers and support are essential elements in their outreach. When they tell you about people coming to Christ and being transformed, recognize you played a role in that person’s salvation through your prayers and support. Rejoice with them and be encouraged!

Pastors, when they call you to schedule services, understand they’re not trying to disrupt your preaching schedule. They want to assist you in helping your church accomplish the final order Jesus left us: make disciples among all nations. Please respond to their calls.
Missionary children are people, too.

Be sensitive to missionary children. Some attend school in another culture and speak another language. Attending school in the States is not always easy. Be a friend to them. Living in the States is a big change. To you, they may act a bit different than the young people in your church. Remember, they live most of their lives in another culture and see the world through different lenses. They are going to be different. Be sensitive to their needs and their transition.

Missionaries are like you…and they’re not.

Remember missionaries are just like you: they need friends, encouragement, and acceptance. At the same time, they are different. Having lived most of their lives and raised their family in another culture, they have adopted different lifestyles, languages, and cultural tastes. Following Paul’s example, they have become like the people they serve to bring them to Christ. It will take some time for them to settle into life in the good ole USA.

Understand they will never again be 100% American. Accept them as they are and reach out to them. Don’t assume anything. Be sensitive. They may be surrounded by family and friends, yet feel lonely. They may not feel at home yet. They may be grieving the loss of people left behind in their country of service. Listen to their experiences and their stories, and you will learn a great deal about them. Include them. Understand they want to know you as well.

We’ve been back in Oklahoma almost nine months now, and we’re getting used to Fahrenheit, gallons, and inches. We’re building deeper friendships and finding our niche. We’re beginning to feel more and more at home. To mimic Paul, we’re learning to be content, no matter where we live.

About the Writer: Robert and Judy Bryan retired at the end of 2018 after 50 years of overseas ministry in Côte d’Ivoire and France. Learn more about Free Will Baptist global ministry: IMINC.org.

Six Ways to Help Missionaries “Come Home”

Help them settle in. If a missionary is settling nearby permanently or for stateside assignment, clean their home or apartment. Stock the kitchen with staples and favorite foods. Give them gift cards to help them ease into stateside life.

Make missionary kids feel special. Discover their interests and meet their needs. Invite them to join your family on trips to the zoo, playground, etc.

Pray, and let them know you are praying. Pray for specific things such as marriages, family life, travel, speaking engagements, account needs, readjustment, and spiritual health. Remember, they have the same struggles you do.

Partner financially. Giving faithfully is more important than how much you give. Missionaries depend on regular giving. Help lift the financial burden.

Support the Provision Closet. The WNAC Provision Closet meets a huge need for missionaries. Whether you make donations of items, cash, or gift cards, all are appreciated.

Ask. If you are unsure what might be most helpful, just ask. You may be an answer to a missionary’s prayer. Missionaries need opportunities to share with people who genuinely want to know what is going on in their lives. Asking a simple question could begin a lifelong friendship with a missionary.