Somebody's Gotta Do Something

by Bill and Brenda Evans

Willy: Janie, where are you?

Janie: In the kitchen.

Willy: What are you doing in there?

Janie: What I usually do in the kitchen, Willy. I’m cooking.

Willy: Well, you don’t have to be sarcastic.

Janie: Yes I do, ‘cause somebody’s got to do something about supper, and as far as I can see, it’s me.

Willy: I could cook if I wanted to.

Janie:That’s just it. You never want to. Like I say, somebody’s got to do something, and it looks like it’s me.

Willy: Yeah, well, somebody’s got to do something about the remote, too.

Janie: What’s wrong with it?

Willy: It’s gone missing. Did you throw it in the trash?

Janie: No, Willy.

Willy: Well, what DID you do with it?

Janie: I didn’t touch it—that’s your bailiwick as you would say.

Willy: Well, somebody touched it, and she better figure out what she did with it.

Janie: You had it last. This morning you were in your La-Z-Boy® with your legs crossed like an Indian, your finger going up and down like this. (Taps forefinger up and down)

Willy: I don’t remember that. You’re making it up.

Janie: You don’t remember because your eyes were glazed over like a zombie. You remember asking “When’s my coffee gonna be ready, woman?”

Willy: No, and now I know you’re making it up, Janie, because I never call you woman.

Janie and Willy’s wrangle is part of a sketch we wrote last fall for a 12-week course we taught. In it, Willy and Janie keep up a loopy dance about cooking and TV remotes, but say nothing about what is really bugging them most—money.

In marriage, the first rule for dealing with money is to talk about it. Right away. Before fights erupt over bills, tithes, vacations, car repairs, and college loans. A recent study says that couples argue three times a month about money. So go ahead and talk before each partner whirls in his own direction, one to the music of save, the other to the music of spend.

Not every couple talks honestly about money. A survey by the National Endowment for Financial Education reports that 31% of U.S. adults deceive their spouses about money, and 58% hide money from them. Another 53% misrepresent the cost of purchases, and 34% incur debts their mates haven’t discovered—yet.

Veronica Dagher, reporter for Dow Jones Newswire warns, however, that hiding money and money problems has gotten a lot harder. The old paper trails could be shredded or covered by a second set of books, but electronic trails are etched onto hard drives. Now, spouses can do a Google search, look at Web-searching history or social networks, or even install a keystroke monitor, among other things, to ferret out money secrets.

It is tricky to deceive these days. And if you are the one deceived, the legality of the methods you use to uncover secrets about your spouse’s spending is often still debated. Furthermore, what is legal may not be moral, whether you are the hider or the seeker.
But beyond all that, marriage should have a higher aim than mere legality. Why don’t we just go cold turkey and abstain from the sin of deceiving—or being crooked as Brenda’s father used to call it. Why not be open, up-front, talk about it, pray about it, and resolve it?

We ought to be virtuous about money. We should have courage to face conflicts and work to resolve them. We need to be one-faced with each other: speak the truth without evasion, deceit, or meanness. Decide together what is good and right before God regarding money. And, husbands, remember that wives are often more eager than you are to talk it out. So don’t just listen, speak up and work together toward mutual solutions.

Of course, talking is not enough. Couples actually have to do something about money. Doing is where the work is—and the reward, too. Jesus said it again and again. Do. Keep. Believe. Obey. Watch. Listen. We don’t claim to know everything about marriage and money, but after 50 years we have learned some things. Here are a few crucial ones:

Talk About Where You Are

What does this week, this month, this year look like financially? Are you in deep water? Are you floating with the current, sinking fast, or swimming along just fine? Is money left over at the end of the month, or is month left over at the end of the money?

What about next year? Kids don’t get cheaper. Tuitions go up. Houses fall down. Cars wear out. Calculate where you think you’ll be financially in one year. Will swimming be harder or easier?

What about the golden years? Solomon, the sensible Proverbist, used an ant to inspire us to store up during harvest because winter is coming (6:6, 30:25). Retirement will be golden only if you have planned and saved. If you continue on your current path, will you be prepared?

Decide Where You Are Going

Together, establish goals for the future, both short-term and long-term. Think next year as well as the golden years.

For example, one goal is to get out of debt—consumer debt, car debt, and eventually house debt. Aim at fully funding retirement. Talk about the kids’ college costs, what you will and will not do to help them with that phase of education. What travel or vacation dreams do you have and where do those fit in without incurring debt—or where they do not?

What about God and your checkbook? Look at whether you are “robbing” Him as Malachi says. What are your giving goals for this year and next?

Plan a Route to Your Financial Destination

Two steps are obvious. First, make a spending-saving-giving plan that really works, and second, create an emergency fund that is untouchable unless the roof collapses or the HVAC unit dies. Aim for three to six months living expenses. A good place for that fund is a Money Management Trust at Free Will Baptist Foundation. Ours is there.

Remember that restraint today gives your family freedom tomorrow. So what “restraining” steps should you talk about? Buy used, including big-ticket items like vehicles and furniture, and shop 50-75% off racks. Don’t stroll through malls or surf websites for entertainment. Seeing it makes you want it just as smelling Krispy Kreme® donuts makes your mouth water.

Don’t keep a credit card balance. Avoid other money rat holes: extended warranties, timeshares, car leases, home equity loans. Limit restaurant meals. Be wary of college loans that hobble graduates with debt. And don’t give your children everything they want. Practice and model self-restraint. It’s biblical.

Not all couples talk about money. Even fewer do something about it. But looking back over 50 years together, we think talking and doing have been two really good things for our marriage.

About the Writers: Bill Evans, former director of the Free Will Baptist Foundation, lives in Catlettsburg, Kentucky, with his wife Brenda, a retired English teacher. Visit www.fwbgifts.org for more information on planned giving that benefits your favorite ministry.