God has a great way of preparing us for the road ahead....

The Drive

By John Gorrell

Last December, during the holiday season, I felt very unsettled. I lost my sister Julie in November, following a long illness, and the holidays proved difficult. Though it was hard for me to pinpoint my feelings at the time, I knew I was hurting. I felt anxious and stuck. I prayed desperately, but it didn’t feel as though my prayers were going anywhere. I went to church, sat through Sunday School, played the piano for the choir, and listened to the sermons, but I left each service feeling unsettled and empty.

After Christmas, I felt compelled to take an additional vacation day to spend some time alone with God. I have done this many times throughout my Christian walk, but this time felt different. I felt a deep urgency to be alone with God, and I became very deliberate in making preparations to take a drive. I bought a new journal specifically for the trip, wanting to capture every thought. I selected several sermons and songs to listen to along the way.

I did not sleep well the night before the drive, the norm during those unsettled months, so I got up early and headed out. It was a typical late December day in the West Virginia mountains. The air was cold, with an occasional snow flurry, and it seemed the sun was reluctant to break the horizon. But the car finally warmed up, the windows defrosted, and I backed slowly out of our driveway.

As I journeyed north toward the Ohio border, Christian music played softly in the background, and I prayed. I began by asking God if anything in my life was hindering me spiritually. I asked Him to search me, to see if there was any unclean thing in me. I wanted to hear from Him, and I wanted to be sure nothing in my life would inhibit what I wanted to accomplish during the drive.

In those still moments, the Holy Spirit began to reveal areas in my life that needed attention. I found myself repenting and asking forgiveness for shortcomings, failures, and weaknesses that seemed so easily to beset me.

The cadence of my prayer consisted of moments of crying out to God, followed by long periods of driving quietly, allowing my mind time to process what was happening in my heart. Peace began to settle my anxious mind, a peace I had not experienced in a very long time. I was encouraged by the thought the drive was just getting started, and I already knew God was going to work in me that day.

I did not put many miles on my car that day. The drive was broken up by stops at scenic overlooks and rest areas, where I listened to podcasts or sermons and feverishly took notes in my new journal. Then I would drive a while longer, sitting quietly with my thoughts, so I could really digest what the Lord was trying to say.

The reccurring theme that day revolved around the phrase “abiding in Him.” Those words echoed in my mind as I found myself praying about my faith, my family, my finances, and my future. Every sermon and every podcast urged me to abide in Him, to maintain a close relationship with my Heavenly Father. I felt compelled to create a daily plan to reach where I needed to be spiritually. I made notes and set reminders on ways I could strengthen my faith and keep a close relationship with the Lord. I asked God to place me in the center of His will and give me guidance for my life and my future. I felt the need to reassess my ministry motives and make sure I was operating under His agenda, not my own.

It was a wonderful drive.

As I made my way home, I felt a great sense of relief. I felt at peace, revived in my spirit, and I could not wait to get back to church, hear the next sermon, play the next song for the choir, and study for the next Sunday School lesson. For the first time in a long, long time, I craved Him, and I wanted to abide in Him.

While I still did not understand why I had to go through the season of anxiety, I understood God was using that season to draw me closer to Him. To teach me to abide.

Looking back, I also know God was preparing me. He saw the road ahead and knew that less than a month after the drive, my world would change forever. My family and I would endure a sequence of devastating events to stretch our faith like it had never been stretched before.

On January 26, my mother—quite healthy to this point—experienced an episode of confusion. After several tests ruled out infection and stroke, the physicians found a brain tumor. My independent mother suddenly needed 24-hour care. My two remaining sisters and I scrambled to find the best options for surgery and treatment.

Sadly, the health issues continued to increase. During those difficult weeks, other close family members also found themselves dealing with difficult illnesses as well. We found ourselves stretched thin, taking our loved ones to and from doctors’ appointments, tests, and procedures. Our family pet, a Great Pyrenees named Duke, suddenly became ill and died. My first grandchild was born weeks early, causing grave concerns about the health of this new baby girl and her mother.

Smaller frustrating things, such as our washing machine and dishwasher going out in the same week, added to the turmoil. Major changes also occurred in my secular job, and I was dealt a devastating blow at my workplace. My mother was called home to be with the Lord in early April, three short months after being diagnosed with the brain tumor. I was faced with the difficult task of finding the right words to say at her funeral.

Those months were stressful, but God constantly brought to mind the things I had learned on the drive. Though our days were difficult, I deliberately made time to abide in Him. As the difficulties grew, I only craved Him more, rather than pushing Him away. I made new entries in my journal every day, as I wanted to document everything God was doing in our lives.

I learned the Greek word for abide is meno, literally “to stay or embrace.” I learned the definition of the word “abide” during the drive, but I didn’t understand the treasure of abiding until God’s plan took me down difficult and unfamiliar roads. I took a different journey, one where I had to abide in Him. I encountered detours and obstacles and roadblocks I did not see coming. Many times, I didn’t know which way to turn. I found myself on a road I did not choose and without a map. But God knew what He was doing when He sent me on that drive. I also learned that, sometimes, God’s preparation is packaged in pain. God saw down the road, knew what was coming, and put me in a place where I needed one drive so I would be ready for the next.

Dear reader, I do not know what your future holds, but please do not ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Abide in Him. Take the drive and listen to what He has for you.

About the Writer: John Gorrell is the senior manager for eastern region projects at MRC Global. He and his wife Dianna live in Scott’s Depot, West Virginia.