When we give everything to God—including our faults and insecurities—He will make something beautiful.

fault lines in utah

by Jessica Lewis

I will never forget the day my husband Tim asked me to pray with him about moving to Utah to start a new church. The memory still brings a twinge of anxiety and fear. I remember arguing with God and weeping. “Why do we have to go now, Lord? I love the people at Calvary; I am close to my family; I am not equipped.”

Excuses, excuses! Yet when I looked down at my growing belly, I knew we had to go. I couldn’t look at my child in years to come and tell her I was too afraid to do what God wanted.

It is hard to believe that we have been in Ogden, Utah, for nine years. It has been incredibly rewarding, frustrating, and wonderful. I still struggle with fear and my feelings of inadequacy. I tell myself I am not like my heroes. I can’t seem to battle it out in prayer like Grandma Hollis. I struggle with selfishness in sharp contrast to my Mother, Gail, who gives without condition. I yearn to have a heart like Aunt Vickie, who serves with a quiet dignity and never complains. I would love to be more like Sara Malone, who has given her life for Christ with sweet humility.

Instead, I tend to be stubborn, proud, self-reliant, blunt, sarcastic, and strong-willed. I relate more to James and John—the disciples of Jesus known as the Sons of Thunder. When asked to write an article, these fears and faults quickly overwhelmed me, but God is good. He encouraged me and reminded me of some important things I had forgotten.

God’s beautiful mountains surround me. As I gaze at the peaks of the Wasatch Range, they never cease to remind me of His strength and power. In recent days, however, God has reminded me that a fault line in the earth created these majestic mountains. Then the second part of Mark 16:20 grabbed my heart. It says, “The Lord working with them….” The passage moved me to tears. My loving Father reminded me that He has always used broken, messed up, and hurting people for His glory. He loves us in spite of our faults.

Consider Jesus’ disciples. James and John had anger management issues, and Peter had a big mouth. Thomas had problems trusting others while Nathaniel was arrogant and bigoted. All of the disciples had faults. Yet look how beautifully God used their lives for His glory.

God promises to make us new. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, “He hath made everything beautiful in his time.” A diamond isn’t particularly awe-inspiring when first dug from the ground, but when it has been cut and polished it shines. In a similar way, when we give everything to God—including our faults and insecurities—He will make something beautiful.

It is so reassuring to know that God is equipping me for His service. I love that He wants to work with me. I am grateful He has allowed me to be used in my brokenness. I have learned to lean on His strength and not my own, to laugh at my faults, to accept who I am and who I am becoming in Him. I know He is working with me and will make me beautiful in His time.

Ministering in Utah definitely has its challenges, but being in the center of God’s will makes all the struggles worthwhile. I am thrilled to be a part of His plan, planting a Free Will Baptist church here in the West.

About the Writer: Jessica Lewis and husband Tim are home missionaries to Ogden, Utah. Visit their church at www.summitchapel.org. Learn more about the ministry of Free Will Baptist Home Missions at www.homemissions.net.