Shouldn't you have had compassion on your fellow servant, even as I had pity on you? — Matthew 18:33
Often, when we hear the word forgiveness, big offenses come to mind: a spouse or friend betrays your trust, someone spreads lies about you, someone backs their car into yours and flees the scene, or a coworker uses your skills and expertise for personal gain. When someone wrongs us in one of these gut-wrenching ways, the wound cuts deep and often heals slowly.
However, most offenses needing forgiveness are considerably smaller on the wound scale. For example, someone acts selfishly, and you are slighted. Someone speaks before thinking and says something hurtful to or about you. You loan money and never get it back. Someone at the grocery store cuts in line, or a driver cuts you off in traffic. Your stressed-out server brings the wrong entrée. Your six-year-old interrupts you for the 327th time to share his latest thoughts and observations on life when you desperately need 15 uninterrupted minutes to finish your task. (Okay, maybe that last one is specifically about me.)
For believers in Christ, the size or severity of the offense does not matter. Believers are called to forgive those who wrong us the same way God has forgiven us — completely. However, forgiving our “debtors” can sometimes prove difficult, as our Holy Spirit-given desire to forgive wrestles with a sinful human nature to repay evil for evil (or to hold a grudge until Kingdom come).
To forgive means to let go, to release any offense or debt, real or perceived, held against another person. While it doesn’t necessarily mean to ignore due process of law (laws exist for a reason, after all), it does mean, on a personal level, we are to show the grace of God to those who wrong us.
To help us understand true, heavenly forgiveness, consider Jesus’ parable in Matthew 18:23-35. He told of a servant who owed a massive sum to his king. Faced with losing everything — wife, children, possessions, and freedom — the servant begged for mercy. Specifically, he “fell down, and worshipped” the king. The king’s heart was moved, and he compassionately forgave the man’s debt.
The freshly-forgiven servant then sought out a fellow servant who owed him a significantly smaller debt. His fellow servant also begged for mercy, but the servant who had just experienced grace from the king stubbornly refused, jailing him until the debt was paid. When the king learned of his actions, he revoked the mercy previously given to the first servant, reinstating the massive debt he owed previously.
Yikes! If that’s not a stern warning to forgive others as we have been forgiven, I don’t know what is. The message of the parable is clear: don’t be like the first servant! But how? How do we demonstrate forgiveness to the people who have wronged us? What does forgiveness look like in everyday life?
The core of forgiveness is always the same, to release the wrongdoer of the “debt” against us. The subsequent actions, however, vary depending on the nature of the offense. For instance, forgiving a close friend who betrays trust and confidence will look different, practically speaking, than forgiving my talkative six-year-old who doesn’t understand he sabotaged Mom’s work time. Still, in every instance of forgiveness, foundational truths should guide us.
First, remember all people are sinners and fall short of God’s holy standard (Romans 3:23). That includes me, you, and the person who wronged us. No exceptions. All means all.
Second, remember God loved the whole world — again, all of us — so much that He gave His Son to die in our place. Jesus willingly, and without reservation, gave His life so our sins would be forgiven. Just as the king in the parable had compassion on his servant who prostrated himself and worshiped him, so Jesus has compassion on anyone who calls on His name and believes in Him.
Who are we to decide who is and isn’t worthy of His forgiveness? Scripture is clear: none are worthy, but because of His great love for us, He offers forgiveness to all. Even when we have trouble forgiving the one who wronged us, remember Jesus has already forgiven.
Third, believers are earthly representatives of our heavenly King. Everything we do, think, and say should echo the character of the Father, including our readiness to forgive those who wound us.
When the restaurant server brings you the wrong entrée, do you mention it with patience and grace, or do you fly into full “Karen” mode? When the promotion you’ve worked hard for is given to someone with fewer qualifications or less experience, do you reply with bitterness and vitriol and storm out, or do you remain humble and hardworking and leave the timing in the Lord’s hands?
When my child continues to tell me every single nonsensical thought that crosses his mind while I try to work, do I allow my frustration to bubble over into angry words, or do I patiently and lovingly give him my attention and choose to finish my task another time?
If you struggle to respond in ways that represent the Savior well, pray and ask Him to work on your heart. He absolutely will! Seek to respond to your enemies not with anger but with truth covered in grace and compassion.
Finally, withholding forgiveness poisons our spirit. To harbor unforgiveness, commonly called a grudge, against someone defines that person by his or her offense. It says the person who betrayed your trust is incapable of being trustworthy ever again. It says the manager who passed you over for a promotion will never be worthy of respect. It says the person who stole from you will never be more than a criminal.
Holding a grudge is dangerous. The devil, the great accuser, is the one who holds our sins against us, reminding us constantly of our past errors and mistakes. We should not be so prideful in our own position to do the same to a fellow human. It’s a foothold the devil will gladly use to try to move us away from the Savior. I don’t know about you, but I’m so thankful Jesus doesn’t define me by my sins! Instead, He sacrificed His life so mine would be washed clean. I am no longer defined by my sins, but by the One who stood in my place. Hallelujah!
If Jesus forgave my sin debts (and there are many), what right do I have to withhold that same forgiveness from someone else? What could the stressed-out waitress, the hit-and-run driver, the lying coworker, the trust-breaking spouse or friend, or even my talkative six-year-old possibly owe me that’s more than what I owe Jesus?
Nothing.
Jesus literally forgave everything. We must not offer others anything less.
About the Writer: Marianne Stewart is an award-winning freelance graphic designer and writer who lives in Lebanon, Tennessee. She loves sharing with others what God has taught her. Marianne and her husband, Patrick, have two young sons.
