intersect, where the bible meets life

Mr. Independent, Neighbors, and the Joy of "Othering"

“Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” (Leviticus 19:18).

“He that despiseth his neighbor sinneth” (Proverbs 14:21).

God has much to say to me about my neighbor. And I have much to learn on that subject. I realize that Jesus portrays a “neighbor” as anyone we know or meet who needs our help, but many times those are indeed the people who live near us or next door to us. After all, it is a “neighbor-hood.”

Meet Mr. Independent

That’s the case with my story. We have lived in the same house 23 years, mostly with the same people around us. I’ll spare you the details, but one of those neighbors and I have sometimes not seen eye-to-eye on things. He would tell you that, too. I’ll just refer to him as “Mr. Independent.”

Fast-forward from 1988 when we moved in, to some 10 years ago when I faced some serious health issues. Several neighbors—not Mr. Independent—graciously pitched in to help with our yard work. The same thing happened three years back when once more I wasn’t able to take care of my lawn for a brief time. Again, they were so kind to do what I could not.

Just a few days ago we came home to find one of those neighbors pressure washing our front sidewalk for us. He just decided to do it, he told us.

That gives you an idea of the kind of people who live around us—caring, quick to meet a need, giving of their time and energy to help. Admittedly, Mr. Independent and I had never really treated each other that way. Oh, our wives have always exchanged small gifts at Christmas; but that sort of thing has never happened between him and me. A wave and a “hi” was about as far as it has gotten, and that was on a good day.

Cranking Up Some Grace

But over this past week or so I noticed that Mr. Independent’s truck had not moved out of its spot on his driveway. That’s very strange, I thought, because he always parks it in his garage when he gets home from work in the evenings. Sure enough, we learned from Mrs. Independent that her husband had a serious kidney infection and was in the hospital.

Now I admit I’m not the quickest guy to spot a need, but even I couldn’t miss this one. Mr. Independent’s yard needed mowing. His wife had struggled to mow the front portion; my wife had seen her trying and mentioned it to me. I asked the lady, with a bit of insistence, to let me do the back. She agreed, and the next afternoon I cranked up “The Red Runner,” my faithful 6.75 torque Troy-Bilt.

I was trying to finish the job before the Independents got home, but just before I was done they drove in; she was bringing him home from the hospital. Mr. Independent—typically—said he felt bad that I had to do what he should be doing. “Please let me pay you for your time and gasoline,” he insisted. I insisted that he not!

“Now I feel indebted to you,” he came back. I assured him I was glad to do it as a neighbor and that he didn’t owe me a thing.

Junk on the Patio

We parted, closer—I hope—than we have ever been. Maybe I can follow up with a more direct explanation of grace and how God’s grace in Christ can change his life. At any rate, I did learn at least five lessons from it all: helping, failing, needing, seeing, and “othering.”

• Helping someone who needs it always comes bundled with a deep-seated pleasure for the one giving the help.

• Failing to understand grace is common to all of us. We don’t know how to appreciate no-strings-attached gifts.

• Needing help is not something to deny or to be ashamed of. Part of being human is admitting we depend on others.

• Seeing ourselves and our needs is impossible until we get beyond ourselves and look at what other people see.

As I mowed Mr. Independent’s yard, I looked over at mine and saw things I really hadn’t seen before: junk on the patio, carport gutters with strange plants growing in them, stuff like that. It helps to leave your place, then look back at it the way other people do—seeing ourselves as others see us, as Bobby Burns’ verse puts it.

I once heard the noted preacher Fred Craddock call this “othering.” Go to the “other,” see from the “other’s” perspective, live for those “other” than yourself. To me that is trying to be a neighbor, and I’m just beginning to learn that.

Intersect (Where the Bible Meets Life) is a regular column of ONE Magazine featuring Dr. Garnett Reid, a member of the Bible faculty at Free Will Baptist Bible College. Email Garnett greid@fwbbc.edu