intersect, where the bible meets life

Thirty-Six Years and Counting

Our first date was a simple stroll through autumn leaves, but talk about chemistry! Our backgrounds, our personalities—they all blended into an astounding experience, with sparks flying in every direction.

Those sparks soon led to an all-out fire, and Diane and I married May 19, 1978. We finished college, bought our first house, and rejoiced over two sons. After four years of campus ministry, we moved off to struggle through seven years of graduate school.

Twenty-plus years of pastoral life followed. Those years carried with them the deaths of loved ones, Diane’s cancer and chemo, and a host of challenges that inevitably come with being human. No one ever said life would be a cakewalk.

Looking back on 36 years of happiness . . . well, by and large that’s true. At times, happiness wouldn’t have been how we described it. Mainly, however, we have sensed God’s blessings and been happy.

Why have we enjoyed decades of joy? Undoubtedly God’s goodness and mercy are why. We’ve made plenty of mistakes and found ways to foul up when the right thing was plain enough. In spite of all our failures, the good Lord has smiled on us. As Psalm 103:10 says about God: “He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.”

Two broad commitments have served us well. First, we have given ourselves to God and His Church. At root, we have sought to please Him. We asked Him for direction, and, when we discerned His leading, we went that way…whatever that meant.

Commitment to Him, in turn, led to commitment to His Church. The Church is Jesus’ bride, and you can’t expect to please the Lord if you disrespect His spouse. So, however imperfectly, we have tried to give ourselves to the church. Though a cost is involved in this giving, it has always served us well and blessed our home.

We have also been committed to each other. Again, we’ve not lived this out perfectly, but at root we have worked to keep our vows, all of them. Those promises to be faithful whether rich or poor, in sickness or health, to love and to cherish each other no matter what—those are potent commitments, and if a couple can keep them in focus, they’re doing pretty well.

Four rules have especially helped us in our commitment to each other. When I lost my cool and lashed out for no good reason, instead of logging it on a scorecard, Diane referred to Rule #1. It’s not an easy rule, that’s for sure, but in an amazing way it paints over despicable blacks in a beautiful white. I love Rule #1.

Rule #2 also helps. Sometimes silence is truly golden. The ever-humorous Ogden Nash said:

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever your right, shut up.

Not bad advice. But sometimes you need to speak up. Some things don’t respond well to silence. So when words or deeds like cactus needles stick you, and you can’t just pluck them out and get on with it, say “ouch!” to your mate and refer to Rule #2.

Billy Graham never allowed himself to be alone with a woman other than his wife. Jesus taught that one must keep pure, not just his hands but also his thoughts. Looking leads to lusting, which leads to . . . just ask King David. He’ll tell you what it leads to. So, when dealing with the opposite sex, refer to Rule #3. Avoiding a stain is better than using the best cleanser.

Finally, Rule #4 keeps George, Abraham, Ben, and your marriage in proper order. If infidelity is the fast track to divorce, financial folly is the slow lane to the same destination. When watching commercials on TV or walking through the mall, tell yourself a thousand times, “I don’t need that.” It’s the truth most of the time. You really don’t need it. Contentment goes a long way toward giving you a good night’s sleep. Husbands and wives usually thrive if Rule #4 is well observed.

Intersect: where the Bible meets life is a regular column of ONE Magazine. Dr. Paul Harrison pastored Cross Timbers Free Will Baptist Church in Nashville, Tennessee, from 1991-2013. He served 17 years as adjunct professor at Welch College, teaching church history and Greek.