PK, MK, or MB?

We’ve all heard the stories about PKs (preacher’s kids) and MKs (missionary’s kids), but what about MBs (military brats)—the children of Free Will Baptist chaplains who grow up on military bases and in military communities? Retired navy chaplain Robert Cooper and his wife Ava raised three children on various military bases. Here are their thoughts about life as an MB:

Suzanne Cooper

I have always been proud of being a part of a military family. Even as a child, I felt something special about it, though I didn’t grasp fully what it meant for my dad to serve our country. I mostly thought it was cool to visit military bases, to see the guards at the gate, and to hear the jets screaming overhead.

We moved every two years or so, and while that might seem to be the most challenging part of growing up in the military, for me it was the most exciting. Most of my friends were also military kids I met at the chapel or in our neighborhood in base housing. Goodbyes were inevitable, and I eventually got used to it. Funny enough, sometimes I felt more sentimental about leaving the house than my friends. Base housing wasn’t exactly fancy, but it was home. Moving so often gave me the chance to see different parts of this country and beyond, and I loved every place I’ve lived.

I always felt at home because I was with my parents, brother, and sister. My favorite place was Guam. We were stationed there for a couple of years, and I’m still in awe of the beauty. I remember going on boonie stomps (hikes), climbing waterfalls, snorkeling, and just playing in the ocean. I’d love to go back today. I also traveled to other countries like South Korea, Iceland, Ireland, England, Belgium, and France; these were incredible experiences, although I am fairly certain I did not appreciate it as much then as I would now. Once we got to San Diego, my dad made sure we were able to stay put and finish high school, so I got a taste of what it was like to “put down roots.” I have since moved from California, but I still think of it as “where I’m from.”

The downside to moving so often was the toll it took on friendships. I made friends easily, but I think I tried to keep from caring too much, so it didn’t hurt so badly when one of us moved. I didn’t form lifelong bonds with people outside of my immediate family. Back then, we didn’t have email or social media; you either wrote a letter, or you didn’t communicate. With families moving so often, it was easy to lose touch. To this day, I don’t typically count on lasting friendships. I can’t be certain I wouldn’t be that way anyway, but I suspect the cycle of leaving and making new friends affected me. Moving also kept us from spending a great deal of time with extended family.

I didn’t get to know my grandparents as well as I wish I had. As a child I took for granted they’d be there when we came to visit, but as an adult, I see my parent’s relationship with my nieces and nephew and wish I’d spent more time getting to know my own grandparents.

Dad deployed several times over the years, gone for months at a time. As a child, that is just how it was—dads deployed and came home. I didn’t realize then how hard it must have been on my mom. I missed Dad and always was excited when he came home, but life just went on while he was away. I went to school, played with friends, and I was never afraid he wouldn’t come home.

One of my favorite memories is watching my dad’s ship pull into port after being out for six months or more. It was a beautiful sight, all of the sailors and marines lining the deck. I remember seeing my dad—although I’m not a 100% sure it was really him—and I was so proud of him. As an adult, Dad deployed to Iraq. That one was hard. Even though I did not live with my parents at the time, I could not wait for him to come home, because for the first time I was scared he might not return. I missed him more, and I worried about my mom. Thankfully he came home safe and sound.

I think being a military brat—a navy kid (also called a squid)—has impacted my life in several, mostly positive ways. I am a well-rounded person. Traveling gave me a broader perspective on the world. It is a really big place with many amazing people in it. I learned to see the beauty in all different climates and cultures. I know anywhere can be home if you are surrounded by the people you love. I may personally have to work a little harder than most at developing deep, lasting friendships, but that is what it is to be human—to learn and grow. I would not trade my experiences in a military family for anything. For me, it was a great way to grow up!

Julie Cooper Lowe

I am often asked where I’m from. Since most people are not looking for a 30-minute explanation, I end up saying the military or navy. Sometimes, they ask the follow up question: “What places have you lived?” The reaction to my list ranges anywhere from envy to something I can only describe as incomprehension. Some people are unwilling to leave their comfort zone and simply can’t understand how I could enjoy growing up like that.

Truthfully, I always valued the unique experience of living somewhere new every few years and took for granted how easy it was to make those transitions. As I have grown older, I have come to understand how much my parents worked to make moving a positive and memorable experience. They were always willing to try new things! I can say I know how authentic Tex-Mex food tastes and how to negotiate while shopping in Seoul, South Korea. We always took time to explore the history, culture, and highlights of each place we lived, giving me a wide range of experiences, from walking the halls of mansions in Rhode Island to scuba diving off the coast of Guam. These experiences were rewarding in their own right, but it was how my parents dealt with each move that made those experiences rich and exciting.

Other things about military life were more challenging. Having my dad on deployment for six months at a time was probably the hardest part of growing up in the Navy. We knew we would get postcards, letters, and presents from far away, exotic places, but we also knew Mom was going to start putting my sister, brother, and me to bed earlier and earlier. Those were difficult times. Even as I child, I could understand how hard it must have been on Mom to deal with us kids and handle the day-to-day challenges on her own.

As the oldest child, I tried to fill the void by making sure to tell my sister and brother what to do as often as possible. (I now realize that might have been part of why Mom sent us to bed so early.) I remember one particular winter day lying in bed while the sun was still up. I could still hear my friends playing outside, so it must have been very early in the evening.

It wasn’t until I was older that I began to grasp the sacrifices my dad made as a husband and father to serve in the Navy. It is not a job but a duty in which men and women serve to protect this country. When Dad was deployed, he was either part of training exercises, or he was putting training into actual practice, a very different type of day than going to the office. I also know it was difficult for some families to transition from Dad being away, to being home, and then gone again.

I don’t remember having to adjust to those changes; it was just a normal part of life. Plus, our dad coming home meant receiving presents and getting to stay up late again. He always accepted without complaining any changes we made as a family while he was away, such as acquiring a new pet.

Growing up in the Navy left a lasting impression on me and gave me a set of skills most civilians do not have. For example, every time we moved, we had the choice to hire someone to clean our house to white glove standards or do it ourselves. My parents, when given a choice to work or spend money, always chose work! We spent days scrubbing walls, floors, and cabinets then stripping wax off linoleum floors and applying a fresh layer. It is possible we kids were in the way, but it still left a lasting impression. I also learned many sayings civilians typically don’t use. For example, Dad was always telling us, “You will be picking yourself up off the deck if you don’t watch it.” We knew deck meant floor and didn’t think anything of it until a civilian friend asked what Dad meant, since we didn’t have a deck but a porch.

I was impacted most, however, by watching my dad be a leader every Sunday and a constant servant to those under his command. Today, I have the privilege of working as a nurse in a busy hospital, and it is my dad’s example of service and sacrifice that helped shape how I interact with patients and staff. His life showed us that sacrifices, though painful, can be worth it, that the right thing to do is to roll up your sleeves and work rather than complain and wait for others to do it.

Finally, both Mom and Dad taught us places or new situations don’t have to be uncomfortable but can be something exciting.

Robert T. Cooper

My father joined the Navy when I was very young, three or four, maybe. I remember his boots. He came home, sat down, and unlaced his boots. I thought they were cool, those boots: big, sturdy, dirty, lots of ridges on the soles, and heavy laces. I don’t know if he was in boot camp or on first assignment in North Carolina. I just remember the boots. So, from my perspective, Dad was in the military my entire life, at least from my earliest memories.

It may have been different for my two sisters who are two and five years older than me; they may remember a life pre-military, but not me. For me it was all Navy, all the time. Since I first saw those boots, I have lived in North Carolina, Texas, Guam, Rhode Island, and California. I visited Mexico, South Korea, Iceland, England, France, and Belgium. I’ve met more people from more places than I can count, attended half a dozen schools, made many close friends, and said goodbye to them all. The Navy taught me to accept change and not to fear new places and people, to cling to family as the one permanent thing in life, and to look beyond the ten square miles most non-military kids call home.

On the flip side, it also taught me there’s no real point in settling down or making fast friends because it won’t be long before it’s time to say goodbye and move on to the next place. My adult life has continued in that pattern, even though I’m not in the military. I’ve moved my own family from California to two cities in Florida, back to California, and currently Alabama. Each time we moved, I was doing it to build a better life, at least that’s what I told myself. Still, I can’t help but wonder if maybe it was also a bit of that wanderlust that developed while growing up in a military family.

My father was a Navy chaplain, so like most kids whose fathers are preachers, I went to church a lot. The difference between non-military PKs and me is that I went to a lot of multi-use, non-denominational churches where Roman Catholics were filing in while the Protestants were filing out. This intermingling of religious space, if not the religion itself, was normal to me and has given me a unique perspective on religion. I think many religious people look at the people and customs of other religions as if they were from another planet or something; not just regular people who happen to believe and worship differently than they do.

I think that experience has made me a little more accepting than I would be if I’d grown up in a non-military preacher’s family. Working as a military chaplain also served to give my father a different perspective on religion and what it means to be a preacher and a father. Every day, he worked with and interacted with people of different beliefs, backgrounds, and views on religion. I think this taught him that a person’s relationship with God was not something that could be forced or mandated but must be allowed to happen on its own. I believe this because he never forced God on us. We did have to go church, and there was no way around that, but we didn’t have to behave a certain way, or think certain things, or put on the front I think some preachers’ kids do.

Growing up military is different. At the time, I didn’t recognize the differences, since most of the kids I knew were growing up the same way. Now, as a civilian, I see it. When you first meet someone, they typically ask where you are from. I’m not from anywhere. I usually just say I’m a Navy brat since no one wants to hear the list of places I have lived. That said, I can’t imagine being a person who lives in one place his whole life: same house, same street, same town, and same city. That would feel strange to me.

People often talk about “roots,” how living in one place your whole life lets you set down deep roots. I think a military family finds other ways to lay down roots, just in people, not places.

Are you interested in becoming a Free Will Baptist chaplain? If so, visit www.fwbnam.com/chaplaincy to learn more.