The Prince and Princess shared perfect love in perfect harmony. In short, they lived happily ever after...

The Perfect Marriage

by Susan Henderson Funkhouser

Once upon a time there lived a ravishing beauty named Susan. With a 16-inch waist, flowing ebony locks that never turned frizzy on humid days, and an impeccable sense of style, she glided through her days blissfully, with her Perfect Prince at her side. In her wake, she left the faint scent of roses and a trail of jealous women who coveted her perfect figure, her frizz-free hair, her wardrobe and, of course, her prince.

One beautiful spring day Susan married her Perfect Prince. It was a perfect ceremony, with the perfect guests, the perfect music and, the perfect dress. They rode off into a perfect sunset where they lived out their days in luxury, high adventure, and romance. Princess Susan kept an immaculate castle, where she entertained those same jealous women and wowed them with her culinary capabilities and exquisite décor.

Each night, as twilight faded to darkness, she scattered red rose petals on black satin sheets and lit hundreds of candles throughout the castle. The Prince and Princess shared perfect love in perfect harmony. In short…they lived happily ever after.

Fairy Tale or Reality?

 
Inspired by a few too many Disney princess movies (and an over-active imagination) I created this fantasy around age 15 and clung to it tightly for the next 15 years. When I turned 30 as a still-single woman, however, I finally gave it up. It was probably for the best. My expectations of marriage were a little lofty. On December 5, 2009, when I repeated my vows to Brandon Funkhouser, I held absolutely no expectations. No, I was in shock.

In the past six months, I’ve discovered that the reality of marriage is far different than the fantasy. My days are filled with fairly equal amounts of work and play. My hubby and I both work at a local school. After the final bell rings Brandon coaches YMCA soccer while I walk the dog. The vast majority of our free time is devoted to activities with our families. Most evenings find us sacked out on opposite ends of the couch, enjoying one of our favorite pastimes—dog scratching. Our Cavalier King Charles Spaniel goes nuts when we perform the “tandem pet.” We scratch like mad on either side of his back. His hind leg thumps, his tongue wags, and believe it or not, he grins!

When we entertain, we often order a pizza about 15 minutes before our guests arrive. Then I scurry around our not-so-immaculate apartment in a last-ditch effort to remove the dust from the furniture. If God ever decides to create a new human race we’ve got a great supply of dust, and He’s welcome to it.

As for harmony, we’ve got it…Brandon’s yelling is pitched exactly two octaves below my screeching. Most of our quarrels revolve around The Hat. I’m pretty sure Brandon was born wearing a hat. He never leaves home without one. When we first began life together, I invested in a coat and hat rack for the entryway. Much to my chagrin, Brandon prefers to leave his hat on the end table in the living room. Our lovers’ spats begin in the pre-dawn hours, when I can’t resist the urge to move The Hat to the hat rack. When Brandon arises, the fun begins. “Where’s my hat? What did you do with my hat?”

“You know very well what I did with your hat. I hung it on the HAT rack!”

It’s great fun.

Living the Adventure

Adventures? We’ve already had our share. Take for example, the day several weeks ago when the tornado siren blared in the wee hours of the morning. The electricity went off as we stumbled into our clothes, grabbed the dog, and headed to the car for a trip to the storm shelter. I pushed the garage door opener. Nothing happened. No electricity.

My heroic prince groaned as he manually raised the garage door, waited for me to back out, and closed the garage door behind us. Oh, the trauma! As I drove, we apprehensively scanned the clouds.

“It doesn’t look that bad to me.”

“Hey, let’s go to Wal-Mart!”

Sadly, Wal-Mart’s power was also dead, and we returned home. I pushed the garage door opener. Nothing happened. Again. I looked at my prince. “Do you have a house key?”

“No. Do you?” We’re not at all dependent on technology! During our great adventure, the tornado we never saw flattened businesses only a few blocks away from our apartment complex.

Our nights find us sacked out on the comfy blue sheets Brandon picked out when we registered for wedding gifts—his only contribution to the list. I drift off to dreamland with a snoring Cavalier King Charles Spaniel at my feet, a snoring husband at my left side, a pair of neon orange earplugs in my ears, and a large bottle of Tums on the nightstand in case the pizza comes back to haunt me.

Please understand; I’m not complaining. I love my life. I am thrilled with marriage. It’s far better than anything I imagined, and it’s certainly superior to the Hollywood version. Real married life is perfect because it isn’t perfect. That phrase, “for better, for worse” implies there are equal parts of both, and there are. But I get to share both the good and the bad with my best friend. Burned suppers, dirty laundry, mood swings, and morning breath—we experience it all, together.

Now that I reflect on the marital visions of my youth I find them a little . . . boring. Honestly, I can’t imagine living that life. Striving to appear perfect is exhausting and confining. It’s not me. It’s not my prince, either. Brandon and I are real. We have faults, quirks, and bad habits. We’re human, and our marriage reflects it. We may not always live happily, but we do live.

Reconciled to Reality

It’s too bad society promotes such a ridiculous view of relationships. Movies, television, music, and literature create impossible dreams in little girls’ minds that lead to disappointment in young women, and all too often lead to failed marriages.

It’s equally sad to note that Christians sometimes promote unrealistic relationships, not with the opposite sex, but with God. We try so hard to show the world a picture of joy, peace, deliverance, and victory, and it’s true that people desperately need to know those blessings are available to them. Yet they also need to know about the valleys, temptations, doubts, and fears that accompany an honest life of faith; you know, that spiritual “dirty laundry” we try to hide from others.

In my early days as a Christian, I found myself surrounded by strong, vibrant, victorious believers for whom I am truly thankful. They blessed me in so many ways, but their perfect, unwavering faith was daunting to me. In my teens and early 20s I desperately needed someone who understood my questions, doubts, and struggles. I clearly remember sitting in a Bible study as a young adult while the people around me discussed God’s faithfulness. Believer after believer testified that although others failed them often, God had never let them down.

The leader looked me square in the eye and asked, “Susan, has God ever disappointed you?” I wanted to say yes. I wanted to tell them that because of my complete faith in God’s ability to do anything, when He doesn’t answer my prayers the way I want, or when He chooses not to intervene, I feel disappointed, discouraged, and sometimes even angry. I wanted to tell them that although I know God’s plan is better than mine I still feel let down.

I didn’t. I returned the leader’s steady gaze and lied. I didn’t want to disappoint those faithful people around me with my weakness. I spent the first 20 years of my Christian life wondering what was wrong with me, sometimes even doubting I knew God at all. Surely a “real” believer wouldn’t feel doubt, disappointment, and confusion.

In your own relationship with God I encourage you to live honestly and transparently. Share not only your victories, but also your defeats. Don’t just share your faith; share your doubts. People won’t think you’re weak; they’ll know you’re human, and they’ll find reassurance for their own struggles.

My own relationship with God is the most beautiful, joyful, frustrating, confusing, maddeningly amazing relationship you can imagine. Life with Him isn’t always easy, and it’s far from perfect, but it’s my greatest treasure, and it is an adventure. As I grow older I have more questions than ever. I struggle with doubts, fears, and temptations. I sometimes find myself disappointed or frustrated with God. However, I wouldn’t trade the highs and lows, the joys and tears, the good times and the bad with my Best Friend. In this life, my relationship with God does not involve “happily ever after.” That comes later, and for now, that’s perfectly fine.

About the Writer: Susan Henderson Funkhouser is author of A Little Child Shall Lead Them, a devotional book that draws upon her work with children at Purdy Elementary School in Purdy, Missouri.