The Quality of Your Marriage Affects Every Area of Your Life

By Edward E. Moody, Jr.

Does your marriage need first aid?

Maybe your marriage is not working out the way you planned. You looked forward to your wedding ceremony with great anticipation. Perhaps it was even a storybook wedding, the kind you see in a feel-good movie or read about in a novel, but now those dreams are a distant memory. Should you bother with attempting to improve the quality of your marriage? Absolutely! The quality of your marriage affects every area of your life. Being in an unhappy marriage makes us more susceptible to job problems and psychological problems. It also inhibits the ability of our immune system to fight off disease.

Your Health

The Bible teaches us that words can be like poison, and anger rots the bones. When we have discord in our marriage it wreaks havoc on us physically (Psalm 140:3; Proverbs 14:30). One study examined women in poor relationships defined as an atmosphere of put-downs, criticism, and sarcasm. These relationships were associated with increased levels of stress hormones known to lead to health problems later in life. [1] Another classic study indicates unhappy marriages increase the risk for illness by 35% and may shorten life by four years. [2] The bitterness and discord that can dominate a marriage not only poisons the union but also impacts the body like venom from a snakebite.

On the other hand, a good marriage provides a major health benefit. Men and women who remain married, on average, live longer. In fact, in most developed countries, middle-aged single, divorced, or widowed men are twice as likely to die as married men. Unmarried women face risks about one-and-a-half times as great as those faced by married women. [3] Marriage in general, not to mention a “good marriage,” benefits the health of both men and women but not necessarily in the same ways. The quality of your marriage affects your health.

Your Work

Marriage is the mechanism upon which society is built (Genesis 2:20, 24). It is fascinating to look at the benefit marriage has upon the accumulation of wealth. A longitudinal study tracked people from adolescence into their early 40s. Results indicated the net worth of married individuals was 93% higher than single individuals, and divorced individuals had a net worth 77% lower than single respondents. [4] Researchers hypothesized wealth accumulation was tied to behaviors like buying a home, which married couples are more likely to do. They also noted that married couples were more likely to receive wealth transfers (or an inheritance) from both sets of parents and grandparents. They noted single mothers rarely received financial help from the child’s father’s parents or extended family. [5]

But there appears to be more to the financial benefit of a good marriage than inheriting money and receiving support from extended family. Consider that married men earn between 10% and 40% more than single men with a similar education and job histories. [6] While there are fewer studies on women, there does appear to be a benefit to women as well. One study examined mothers with lower academic abilities. The ones who married enjoyed living standards 65% higher than similar single mothers living with no other adult, over 50% higher than single mothers living with another adult, and 20% higher than cohabiting mothers. [7] The quality of your marriage affects your career.

Your Children

A good marriage is the mechanism for developing the next generation. Consider how divorce impacts every area of the life of the child. This disruption doubles the risk for a child experiencing serious psychological problems later in life. [8] A 25-year study found the effects of divorce intensify as children enter adulthood. Researchers suspect the rise of young adults cohabiting today is because of the divorce and marital disruption they observed in their youth. [9]

Marital discord also impacts academic and occupational achievements of children. Children of divorced or unwed parents have lower grades. In one study, teenagers were 60% less likely to graduate from high school if they came from cohabiting families, compared to peers who came from intact, married families. While most children of divorce do not drop out of high school or become unemployed, as adults, children of divorced parents are more likely to have lower-skilled and lower-paying jobs. They are more likely to struggle with unemployment and economic problems. They are less likely to attend and graduate from college. [10]

In the book of Malachi, God indicates His hatred for marital discord. Close examination of the passage reveals it is because God seeks godly offspring (Malachi 2:15-16). In other words, one reason God hates divorce is because of the impact it has upon children. Since the quality of our marriage affects every area of our lives, let us do all we can to make our marriages as good as they can be.

About the Writer: Dr. Eddie Moody is a pastor, professor, and parent. He is the author of the First Aid booklet series. For more information visit RandallHouse.com.

1 C. P. Fagundes, J. M. Bennett, H. M. Derry, J. K. Kiecolt-Glaser. Relationships and Inflammation across the Lifespan: Social Developmental Pathways to Disease. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5 (11), 891–903. 2011. http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2011.00392.x. J. E. Kiecolt-Glaser, T. L. Newton. Marriage and Health: His and Hers. Psychological Bulletin, 127 (4), 472-503. 2001.

2 L. Verbrugge, J. House. Marital Status and Health. Journal of Marriage and Family, 41:267-285. 1979. Y. Hu, N. Goldman. Mortality Differentials by Marital Status: An International Comparison. Demography, 27 (2) (1990):233-250.

3 H. Liu. Till Death Do Us Part: Marital Status and U.S. Mortality Trends, 1986-2000. Journal of Marriage and Family. 71 (5), 1158-1173. 2009.

4 J. L. Zagorsky. Marriage and the Impact on Wealth. Journal of Sociology, 41 (2), 406-424. 2010.

5 L. Hao. Family Structure, Private Transfers, and the Economic Well-Being of Families with Children. Social Forces, 75 (1), 269-292. 1996.

6 J. S. Gray, M. J. Vanderhart. The Determination of Wages: Does Marriage Matter? In The Ties That Bind: Perspectives on Marriage and Cohabitation, L. J. Waite, et al (Eds.) New York: Aldine de Gruyter. (2000).

7 R. I. Lerman. Married and Unmarried Parenthood and Economic Well-Being: A Dynamic Analysis of a Recent Cohort. Washington, DC: Urban Institute. (2002). Marriage was a benefit to these women.

8 Institute for American Values, National Marriage Project. Ibid. (2011).

9 S. Blakeslee, J. Wallerstein. Second Chances: Men, Women and Children a Decade After Divorce. New York: Houghton Mifflin. (2004).

10 W. J. Doherty, S. M. Harris. Helping Couples on the Brink of Divorce: Discernment Counseling for Troubled Relationships. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. (2017).