This past May, I was privileged to officiate my third wedding. I am grateful to the happy couple, whom I consider dear friends. During the service, before leading them in the traditional exchanging of vows and rings, I shared a short message meant to instruct, encourage, and inspire. In this brief article, a shortened version of my message reveals four crucial purposes of marriage.
A Private Purpose: Faithfulness and Friendship (Genesis 2:22-25)
Some things in marriage must not be shared with others. Emotional, psychological, sexual, and spiritual intimacies are uniquely yours. Set up clear boundaries in your lives to protect what should be protected.
As a married couple, you are a family. Engage in family activities from the very beginning. Faithfully practice family devotions. Cook together (or at least be in the kitchen together while one or the other cooks). Shop together. Read books together. Continue to date and be romantic even after you marry. Prioritize trips away (preferably once a year). Invest in yourselves and your marriage. But do not invest only in yourselves.
A Social Purpose:Fruitfulness (Genesis 1:28b)
A second purpose of marriage is fruitfulness. Fruitfulness is likely not the first thing that comes to mind when a young couple considers marriage. However, it is technically the first instruction God gave to humanity in the first chapter of Genesis: “Be fruitful.” Yes, fruitfulness refers to children, whether natural or adopted. But more broadly, it also refers to selflessness, generosity, and other virtues. Behind every command, law, or rule in Scripture is a principle. The principle here is selflessness. Fruitfulness is about investing in others as well as yourselves.
Do not think of your marriage primarily as an institution serving your own interests. Think of it as an institution through which you invest in others together, through which you serve others together.
Have children, yes, to the extent God calls you to do so. But also invite people into your home. Volunteer in your community. Encourage those God puts in your path. Go to weddings, funerals, graduations, and all the other important events that seem to arise at the most inconvenient times. People remember your presence.
Serve the church. In short, learn to think of the second great commandment, “love your neighbor,” not simply as an individual command but also as a corporate command. A “couple” command. Cultivate a fruitful marriage.
For these points of faithfulness and fruitfulness, imagine marriage as a quaint cottage. The cottage has windows and doors by which the outside world may come in — everything from sunshine and beautiful days to rain and storms. Your marriage is like that cottage, letting the outside world in.
Hence, it is a place where you can be fruitful, a place where you can invest in others, a place where you can serve others and practice hospitality. Some visitors to your cottage will be doing well, others struggling deeply. Some lives will be sunshine, others a storm. Use your marriage as a means to celebrate, laugh, grieve, and cry with the people God allows in your lives.
However, not every room in the cottage should be available to others; some rooms must remain off-limits, uniquely and specially yours. Protect those rooms with a fierce, godly jealousy.
A Public Purpose: Foundation for Society (Genesis 1:28c)
A third purpose of marriage is to serve as God’s principal foundation for society, a logical consequence of the first two purposes. The public purpose of marriage explains why we as Christians care so deeply about defining marriage rightly within society. We know it is the foundation of society itself, and if the foundation is compromised, the society it supports is also compromised.
Your marriage should be an example — a picture, a testament — of what society and culture should look like. Therefore, be the men and women God created you to be. Create, consume, and enjoy the kinds of culture that honor God. Support the kinds of social gatherings and societal norms that honor God.
Imagine your marriage as a movie. Bad movies are embarrassing and rightly the subject of criticism. Good movies, however, are wonderful. They astound, amaze, and inspire us; they focus our attention and passion and action in ways that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8).
Just as good movies are an important foundation of the cinematic arts, so also good marriages are an important foundation for the social arts. Sadly, not all marriages (or so-called marriages) provide good public foundations; they are like bad movies.
Your marriage should be like a good movie. How do you make a good movie? You follow the example of great directors. How do you make a good marriage? You follow the example of great marriages. Look to others and learn from them. How do they make it work? They build their marriage upon Christ and His Word.
The calling of marriage is a high calling, but it is not always an easy calling. So be patient and gracious toward one another. And remember that, in the end, God is the critic who matters most. Follow His vision for your lives.
A Religious Purpose: Figure of Christ (Ephesians 5:32)
A final purpose of marriage is to provide a figure or picture of the greater marriage between Christ and the Church. This is the religious purpose of marriage, a “great mystery,” said Paul, who spoke concerning Christ and the Church in Ephesians 5:32. Again, Revelation 19:7 reads, “Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.” These other purposes exist in subservience to this greater purpose: that your marriage would portray that greater marriage.
In the beginning, God gave Adam and Eve both priestly and kingly roles: to steward the earth (priestly) and have dominion over its creatures (kingly). Therefore, God gave to man and woman roles of both service (steward) and authority (rule).
In a manner of speaking, we see the model of servant leadership as early as Genesis 1. Jesus Christ, the agent of creation, perfectly demonstrates servant leadership in His incarnation, exercising authority over His Bride, instructing the Church in His Word, yet also doing so in holy submission to God the Father. Your marriage should reflect that marriage, including both service and authority.
Each of you are servants to the Lord and to one another, and each of you are leaders in Christ’s creation and Kingdom. In Ephesians 5, Paul instructed wives to submit to their husbands “as to the Lord” (verse 22), insofar as his leadership reflects the authority God has given him. That is, the husband’s leadership reflects his submission to Christ.
Paul then proceeded to instruct husbands to “love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it” (verse 25). Hence, the husband’s love, the husband’s authority, is sacrificial. It is not unkind or oppressive; it is patient and good and faithful and gentle (Galatians 5:22-23). In his leadership, the husband serves both the Lord and his wife.
The wife, in her submission, respects her husband as he submits to the Lord (Ephesians 5:33). At the same time, she recognizes her own role of legitimate authority and strength as a leader in the home. Proverbs 31:17 describes this well: “She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.” In short, both husband and wife have duties of service and rule in different ways, and each balances the other in the best ways possible.
By enacting these four purposes, Christian couples can have a God-honoring marriage. Protect what is yours; be the very best of faithful friends; invest in yourselves. Serve others; be fruitful; invest in society. Recognize the public importance of marriage, which extends beyond your social circles. Finally, reflect the relationship between Christ and His Bride as a beautiful picture of that greater marriage.
About the Writer: Matthew Bracey, Ph.D., works at Welch College, where he serves as vice provost for academic administration and as a faculty member, teaching courses in history, law, and theology. He is a co-founder and senior editor of The Helwys Society Forum. This article is an adaptation of an essay that appeared first on HelwysSocietyForum.com.
