It was the Monday following Easter. The meeting was not called by the pastor but by the deacon board on the pretense they just wanted to talk. When the pastor arrived, to his surprise more than the deacons were present. The meeting was an ambush. Troublemakers had made an alliance with the deacons to attack the pastor, and the assault was on. This is a classic example of dealing with difficult people.
When you hear the phrase “difficult people,” certain faces immediately come to mind: a deacon who uses his position for a power play, a treasurer who becomes gatekeeper rather than keeper of the gate, or an individual who always uses threats to get his or her way.
Our culture condemns bullying at school, in the neighborhood, and at work. Sometimes, it feels the only place bullies are allowed is at church. However, Scripture condemns bullying behavior, commanding unity in the Body of Christ characterized by kindness and forgiveness (Ephesians 4:1-32).
Pastoring difficult people is draining and dangerous.
The church boss or bully is often characterized by statements like, “I love my church!” or “They are saying….” These individuals often come to power during an unhealthy season in the church. Most start by volunteering to help, but once they achieve an authoritative position, they become a problem, especially to anyone who might threaten their control.
Some church bullies take a passive-aggressive approach. If challenged about their attitudes or actions, they claim to be a victim or turn to gossip. They are always counting votes and preying on weak believers or the disconnected.
Their best friends are those they can control. At the beginning of a new pastor’s tenure, the bully/boss may become his first and best friend but quickly will turn against him the moment they disagree.
Instead of truly loving their church, what bullies really love is the control and power they hold in forcing others to do what they want. They simply ignore (or never acknowledge) they are wrong. While most church members don’t attend church to fight and fuss, the bully/boss does.
Troublemakers assume no one wants conflict, so they continue causing problems, believing victory will be theirs.
Many congregations respond to church bullies by
appeasing the troublemakers, giving them a position and/or giving in to their wishes. These domineering personalities can often be found in charge of finances, programs, or boards and committees.
What does the Bible say about
dealing with difficult people within
the church?
When the church in Rome went through a period of conflict, the Apostle Paul wrote the Roman thesis. The conclusion of this theological treasure chest has direct application for dealing with difficult people in the church today.
In Romans 16:17-18, Paul described the “offenses” caused by those who spread disunity and false teaching in the church. The word offenses here means to move the stick. Like a stick in your path, these offenses create situations where one problem gets solved only to have another brought up right after, obstructing forward motion and tripping up progress.
This unspiritual and self-centered agenda will cause continual disruptions in the church and hinder the work of healthy spiritual leaders and pastors attempting to lead the body toward spiritual health and revitalization.
Paul instructed the church to mark those who cause doctrinal issues in the fellowship (Romans 16:17). The word mark means to put these individuals under watch. These people should be monitored closely by church leadership and held accountable for their sinful actions. Doctrine is never just philosophic or academic. Right doctrine must be practiced in our daily lives and relationships with others. Troublemakers who sow disunity in the church body are as much a doctrinal issue as false teachers.
As we deal with difficult people in
the church, we must guard ourselves against becoming part of the problem.
In Galatians, Paul taught about the works of the flesh and the fruit of the spirit. Spiritual people have spiritual motives, while those living for the flesh only want to satisfy the flesh. The works of the flesh cause pain in the Body of Christ, but the Spirit brings love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, and temperance. As Christians, we should be known by the spiritual fruit we bear, not the fleshly fights we so easily get caught up in.
Guard yourselves, your ministries, and your heart against divisions within the body and commit to pursuing unity and peace as you work to fulfill God’s calling.
About the Columnist: Dr. Tim York pastors The Grove Free Will Baptist Church in Smyrna, Tennessee. He is the moderator of the National Association of Free Will Baptists and president of Big Sandy Bible Institute. York is an adjunct professor at Randall University, Welch College, and Millard College. He and his wife Phyllis have three children and five grandchildren.
