Death and money aren’t good Thanksgiving dinner-table topics, Ashlea Ebeling advises. But death and money are important topics we need to talk about at the right time and right place. Ebeling, a finance reporter for The Wall Street Journal, calls that conversation “the inheritance talk” and urges us to have that talk “sooner rather than later.” Another advisor said the “cruelest thing we can do to our heirs” is to make no plans or fail to keep our plans updated. We agree.
Large or small, the size of your estate doesn’t matter. Heirs can have spats over little or much — spats that grow into rows that eventually split them apart. And whose fault is that? Often, it’s the one who failed to make end-of-life plans and explain them to their heirs. Bottom line is, we can do whatever we want to with our estates, but as we do that, we must also do what we can to avoid snarls and splits among our heirs.
Ebeling offers three major points: make an estate plan, talk to your heirs about it, and choose the right time and right place for that “inheritance talk.” We will add a few other points. But first, we’ll share three stories, two of which caused snarls and splits.
Alise agreed to be Lawrence’s executor for his estate — a modest house, small bank account, and one low-value IRA. Lawrence was single and childless but had two living brothers and a deceased sister. Lawrence had not shown Alise the will that was his major instrument in the estate plan, but Alise assumed the transfer would be simple and quick to the two surviving brothers. But Lawrence’s estate was not quick and simple.
At the lawyer’s office, Alise learned Lawrence’s two nieces (daughters of his deceased sister) were the sole heirs — lock, stock, and barrel. Lawrence left nothing to his brothers or their children and never mentioned the will to his brothers, who threatened a lawsuit charging Lawrence was incompetent when he made the will.
To say Alise had a mess and stress on her hands is an understatement. In the end, the brothers backed down, but Alise took two years of flak and bad will because of Lawrence’s lack of communication.
Second story. Reggie was the executor of his mother’s medium-sized estate that included property in three states, bank accounts in two states, two small insurance policies, and a terribly outdated 30-year-old will. Reggie, now 45, was 15 and still his mother’s dependent when the will was made.
Also, his mother had been married three times, so Reggie had a full brother, two half-brothers, and a step-sister — five children in all. In addition, the mother’s last husband was still alive. At first, he wanted nothing from the estate and promised to cooperate fully, but eventually he became angry, refused to sign off on being excluded, and stalled the process.
Five main issues stretched Reggie’s work to more than four years — the outdated will, probate courts in three states, an out-of-date title on one of the three properties (co-owner was deceased), lawyers’ fees (eventually four lawyers whose fees and expenses ate up over half of the estate), and two family members stalling, even refusing, to sign papers that had to be signed for the settlement to move forward. Eventually, one of the holdouts signed, but Reggie’s pleas and the lawyers’ warnings did not move one brother who kept stalling for four years. The mess and stress Reggie endured pushed him to his limits. Family members split apart, relationships were broken, and more than half of the estate was lost to lawyers’ fees.
At one point, Reggie wrote a long, angry email, venting to the brother who stalled the process for four years and had also made a series of ridiculous false accusations against Reggie. “I’m glad I let my wife read that email,” Reggie said. “She told me, ’Don’t send it!’ I knew she was right,
so I didn’t.”
Reggie gave a half-laugh when he told us, “But I would have divorced that brother if I could have.” A fine Christian, Reggie’s voice seemed to break as he added, “Our relationship was fair before this. Now, it’s over, completely over.” Reggie’s final advice was — make a Living Trust, talk to your heirs, and keep your end-of-life documents updated.
Third story is Bill. “When my dad died, my sister and I wrapped up almost all the legal issues regarding his estate in one week. A few odds and ends had to be “tidied up,” but Dad had a Living Trust that made it easy. Transfers were direct and quick with few complications.
What are the messages in these stories? We see seven:
Even the kindest heirs are not always patient and cooperative with legal requirements, nor are they always forgiving. Our job when making an estate plan is to smooth the way as well as we can. Avoid leaving messes and stresses. We must do our job, our due diligence. Among the most preventable messes and stresses are those related to end-of-life documents.
Have the conversations you should have with your heirs, whoever they are, relatives or not. We had our first end-of-life conversation years ago when we made our first legal documents. We sat down around the kitchen table with our three sons on a cool, calm day. The conversation was not a lecture, but a genuine give-and-take. We talked; they talked. We asked questions; they asked questions. We’ve had other conversations along the way, regular individual ones. One thing we’re not afraid to do is talk about death and end of life issues. Our talk won’t hasten or delay our deaths. Our heirs need to know our plans.
We’ve also made a non-legal, three-page document that outlines things the survivor will need to do after one of our deaths. That document is especially comforting to me (Brenda), so I know the things I’ll need to pay attention to and do if Bill goes to be with the Lord before me. We’ve also passed that document along to our sons for their information and guidance.
Organize end-of-life documents and show your executor where they are. Make access convenient. Keep documents organized.
Review and revise your documents at least every five years, more often if you have someone dependent on your support. For example, if there are special-needs heirs or dependent relatives; additional births, deaths, or weddings; be certain new or special circumstances are legally addressed in your will or Living Trust.
Two of Reggie’s problems as executor stemmed from his mother’s outdated, 30-year-old will that left everything to two underage sons, who were no longer her dependents, along with her outdated title to property. Those items easily could have been remedied.
Other things to consider are a living will, power-of-attorney, insurance policies, and other contracts. Check with your lawyer or estate planner regarding how these may or may not work together.
Free Will Baptist Foundation and Cornerstone Estate Planning are a great source for up-to-date information on end-of-life documents, investments, and giving opportunities. Visit www.fwbgifts.com or call 877-336-7575 and ask for their free estate planning and financial planning guides. With assets of nearly $100 million, the Foundation exists to serve all Free Will Baptists and Free Will Baptist ministries. They offer estate planning, investment opportunities through a Demand Notes Program, and other services and giving opportunities through various trusts, charitable gift annuities, life estate agreements, IRA charitable rollovers, endowments, and other bequest or income options. The Foundation directly serves our people and our denomination through grants and endowments, while we
as individuals can serve our denomination through a variety of investment and planned gifts programs. To learn more about the resources they offer, visit www.fwbgifts.com.
Don’t split your HEIRS! Make your end-of-life plans and keep them updated.
About the Writer: Bill and Brenda Evans live and work and serve in Ashland, Kentucky. You may reach them at beejayevans@windstream.net.
