In the early 2000s, as the millennial generation left for college or moved out on their own, they followed an expectation of how life would proceed. However, by the 2010s, after a recession in 2001 and the Great Recession in 2008, millennials soon became known as the “Boomerang Generation.” They didn’t follow the norms of previous generations. Rather than leaving home permanently to start a career, get married, and raise children, many millennials returned home to live with their parents.
This phenomenon was caused by many economic factors beyond their control. Because the phenomenon was so widespread, it changed how culture viewed the transition to adulthood. Now, the timing for marriage and children has shifted, and the idea of multigenerational households has become desirable rather than necessary. This has created yet another societal shift for Gen Xers and late boomers — and another new name — the “Sandwich Generation.” After their children delayed the transition to adulthood, many parents now face living with children, often adult children, in the home while also caring for their own aging parents. This cultural shift has both positives and negatives, like anything else. Understanding both sides can help you navigate this new norm.
First, the positive: the Bible isn’t silent about multiple generations working together to pass down faith and discipleship. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 describes passing down God’s Word and commands to the next generation. Titus 2:1-6 encourages older generations to disciple younger generations. Deuteronomy 4:9 urges passing the faith to children and grandchildren. The model of three generations working together is not only found throughout Scripture but is also held up as the model for successful discipleship.
However, we must also consider challenges resulting from this cultural shift. Caring for children and parents simultaneously can pose multiple problems. The most obvious are financial. Raising children today can cost over $500,000, according to a study by the Brookings Institute. On top of that, lasting student loan debt from your own education can eat into disposable income. Caring for your parents often results in financial strain, even when your parents bring additional income.
Often these individuals also struggle to balance their careers with responsibilities at home. This may lead to a shift from full-time to part-time work, giving up or being passed over for promotions, or ending a career prematurely to become a full-time caregiver.
This struggle to balance work and home leads to a reduction in personal time, which, in turn, impacts friendships and marriages. Time is a limited resource, and with so many demands, the caregiver is often the one to sacrifice. This leads to burnout and increases the risk of depression, anxiety, and fatigue. All impact the way we carry out other responsibilities in our lives.
The Sandwich Generation must also be prepared to navigate changing family dynamics. Transitioning from cared for to caregiver (or vice-versa) can create issues for everyone involved. Having adult children who still need you but don’t want to be treated like children, and parents who also don’t want to feel disrespected or burdensome, can add difficulty on multiple
levels to anyone’s life. (Not to mention the constant demands
for attention!)
Whether millennial, Gen X, or late boomer, can you avoid these challenges? Probably not. However, you can greatly reduce them through clear communication before entering a multigenerational living situation. Set clear and firm rules and responsibilities for the house ahead of time. Grandparents are responsible for A, B, and C. Children are responsible for X, Y, and Z. You are responsible for K, L, and M.
Of course, these expectations won’t be perfect and will require flexibility. But start laying the groundwork early for how things will be handled within the family unit, rather than trying to juggle all responsibilities yourself. Seek out ways to stay organized with everyone in the house. A family calendar/schedule provides opportunities for self-care and relationship-building with your spouse and others.
Plan ahead while understanding situations change. As parents age, their ability to help will diminish. Anticipating the next steps will ease future decisions. Having difficult conversations while parents are still able to share their wishes will also provide guidance for the future. When possible, include siblings in these hard conversations and decisions to avoid confusion and resentment on their part. As your adult children age, give them more responsibilities, but also give them space and freedom to launch out on their own. Don’t inadvertently tie them down by requiring them to help with aging parents. Be kind and patient with your adult children, understanding they (and you) may soon face a similar situation. Set a good model the next generation can follow.
Living in a multigenerational household is once again becoming normal, even expected. As we gradually embrace this cultural shift, being prepared emotionally and financially will make the process smoother. Multiple generations under one roof can be a huge blessing. Grandparents enjoy more time with children and grandchildren. Parents receive additional support with day-to-day life.
Children are discipled by multiple generations, strengthening their relationship with Christ.
Still, it is not easy. Put in the hard work on the front end to help when you suddenly find your empty nest is no longer empty.
About the Writer: John Brummitt became director of Richland Ave Financial in January 2016. He graduated in 2011 with an MBA from Tennessee Tech University.
